I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
