its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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