Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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