I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
