my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
