Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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