You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
