She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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