yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
