Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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