Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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