You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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