I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
