I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Drake has all the answers
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
