Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
