Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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