You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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