now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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