It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
are you so shy because you have an std?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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