Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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