did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
