i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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