i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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