I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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