we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
