"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
