I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
