i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
