She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
