I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
