i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A+ Viking dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
