Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
