i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
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I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize