The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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