You made me cry and you don't even care
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
