dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
