I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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