Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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