First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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