would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize