Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
