i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
