then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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