No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
