Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
