he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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