The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now