I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.