dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
where am i from again
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story