if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.