what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?