I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.