Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
