this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
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Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui