Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
