I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
