Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
