Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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