It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They have beer where we have blood.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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