This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
