i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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