it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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