Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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