it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
