I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
