oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
