I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there's paper in my vomit.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
