i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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