We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
