Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
