Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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