Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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